At church a few years ago, my eldest daughter (4 at the time) saw her friend, a boy, serving as an altar boy for the first time. She looked hopefully at me and asked excitedly, "When I am big enough, can I serve too?" I replied, "No, because you are a girl. But mommy is doing what she can to change that." I died a little inside knowing what the church was teaching my daughter about being a woman.
I don't think our priest hates women (or our bishop, for that matter), in fact, I know that he has done what he feels he can to give girls the opportunity to serve, including asking our bishop for permission to make some changes. Often the caveat attached to any permission is: "As long as it doesn't cause a scandal."
One of those changes was about churching baby girls in the altar. That means, after a baby is baptized, the priest brings the baby through the altar. Traditionally, only baby boys get this privilage. Baby girls are brought to the doors of the altar, then, as if God has personally rejected them, they are turned away.
At this point I want to note: as I have been told numerous times, ANYONE WHO HAS A BLESSING CAN ENTER THE ALTAR. Only men are allowed to be clergy, so they have this blessing far more often.
By this logic, couldn't a baby girl have the blessing to enter the altar for her churching?
Our priest did this for a short time until someone complained directly to the bishop, which resulted in it being completely shut down (which raises numerous questions about those who go over everyone's head to phone the bishop directly and the message we now have that it is apparently effective and okay to do this). Why was it shut down? Because it caused a scandal.
There is where I start to wonder what on God's green earth is going on. Am I losing my mind? Has the TARDIS transported me out of the 21st Century?? An innocent baby girl in the altar is A SCANDAL? Are you kidding me? Well, if scandals are what changes the mind of the bishop, here is my scandal.
There is no known reason why girl babies are churched differently than boys. Priests that disagree with the idea, have been able to stay obedient by not churching either gender in the altar. But this is not a solution and it doesn't actively stimulate discussion on this topic.
I tried going through the proper channels with my concerns. I spoke to my priest who told me he has to be obedient to the bishop. So I spoke to the bishop and Metropolitan both privately and publicly at an Archdiocesan Council. I got a "keep up the good work" response, which is a non-response really, but here I am taking them up on that encouragement. I have been told the bishop answers to the Synod of Bishops and everyone thinks the OCA is crazy, so everyone is afraid to have them think we are crazier. (Note: this is what I have been told and not witnessed because clearly, I am not a bishop).
So when are our clergy going to speak up? Who is going to stand up for the baby girls to be churched in the altar, or the eager young girls wanting to serve in the altar (some churches DO allow this in some manner, either as altar girls or myrrh bearers), or young women looking to be tonsured as Readers? I don't think that the clergy as individuals hate women, but I think the church itself does. It becomes increasingly difficult to bring my daughters to a church with such mixed messages about their worth.
Girls are good enough for God to create and love them, so the church needs to wake up and realize they are good enough to be churched properly.
Melanie the question you ask is a good one. A Prayer: Lord, how do we answer our daughter’s in a meaningful way? My daughter is the grandchild of minister and a priest what if someday she asks me “How can I serve the Church like my Grandfathers? I have feared this question since before even knowing that I would have a daughter. Rather than a universal answer (which I am not equipped to give) I hope that my experience is worth some support to you.
ReplyDeleteTonight, after reading your post and the various comments, I gave my little girl a bath before her evening prayers and bedtime. While leaning over to wash her head she reached up and grabbed the two interesting things dangling from my neck. So I asked myself: Was her sacrament of baptism just practice for bath time? And are the cross (from the sacrament of chrismation) and the ring (from the sacrament of marriage) that she has fixated on just trinkets? No, to me they have meaning.
Most importantly they are meaningful because I want Kassia to be raised in Christ and in the Church as were her parents and grandparents and great grandparents. I want to guide her until her faith is her own and she is equipped to make decisions in the best possible ways. That answer was the one that was clearest to me before entering the Orthodox Church. I would not have done so if I had not seen grace and equality in the veneration of hundreds and hundreds of strong thankless women from the Theotokos, to saints equal to the apostles, to founders of churches, to those I my Wife and her peers. With that back drop and after several conversations with my Wife about her personal experiences growing up in Orthodox faith my belief is that there is a paramount respect for Women in the Church despite, many male dominated traditions, despite, the ambiguity (with vague justification) that exists in some church practices.
The understanding that Women are not denigrated does not provide a complete answer to these ambiguous situations but I have three final thoughts which help me. Firstly, I was told the church is a built on a rock and a rock should be able to withstand controversy without shattering, so I feel that despite the controversy we need to ask Priests, Bishops and Patriarchs these difficult questions and they must struggle with us to answer them. Secondly, Humility and obedience are also part of the faith so if we ask difficult questions we need to be prepared for difficult answers that we might not like or agree with but that we must live with. Here I hope we are true to our personal faith and sufficiently patient to ask for forgiveness before embittering ourselves and judging others. Thirdly, I once heard a great sermon about iconoclasm and female saints after which my Wife and I short listed the name which we latter gave to our daughter. Within the story of Saint Kassia is what I believe is the most appropriate response for a Women, to a Man, in the circumstance of true targeted sexism.
On an final not something more lighthearted
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4vSp5nSZGc